Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

★★
Around the World in 80 Days is an unspectacular movie that runs on Jackie Chan's star power, which is fading fast in the U.S. after his The Medallion failed to impress anyone. While the writers—three Davids (Titcher, Benullo, Goldstein)—reworked the Jules Verne story to make the Passepartout character Chinese, director Frank Coraci stages some good fight scenes featuring the Buster Keaton of martial arts but renders everything else in the movie as afterthoughts. This makes for a very dull affair in which the story just plods along, and we have no choice but to look forward to the next fight scene.

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

★
The character of Ace Ventura behaves like a feral cat brought indoors for the first time. He runs around the room maniacally and expends a great deal of energy running around but going nowhere. Unlike a rescued feral cat, Ace Ventura remains forever untamed. That is to the movie's detriment. Like most viewers in 1994, I saw Ace Ventura: Pet Detective after having watched Jim Carrey's hilarious performances on In Living Color, where he was spot-on with his impersonations (Pee-wee Herman, Vanilla Ice) and original characters like Fire Marshall Bill. His schtick was perfect for a sketch television show, but his boundless enthusiasm unleashed on the big screen resulted in this vapid mystery movie with little going for it. At the time of this movie's release, I was only vaguely aware of box office totals as a measuring stick for success. After Ace Ventura became a huge hit, and after I saw it for the first time with its box office haul in mind, I realized that quality has nothing to do with how much money a movie makes.

The Air Up There (1994)

★★
The Air Up There could have gone several different ways, and even though the story didn't quite go as I had expected, it still ended up with the Big Game at the End. Sports comedies in the '90s were a lucrative if creatively lacking genre. The formula often involved casting a recognizable actor and putting him in charge of a scrappy and inexperienced team that emerges as the victorious underdog. Emilio Estevez, Rodney Dangerfield, Rick Moranis, Whoopi Goldberg and Halle Berry (I'm counting Race the Sun too) took turns leading their teams to varying levels of success, and Kevin Bacon got his chance to play a coach who assembles a team to play against the intimidating and well-funded foe. These movies grew tiresome as the decade went on, and The Air Up There is no exception, though it does tinker with the mechanics of the outline made familiar by others and delivers a few unexpected detours.

Apollo 10½: A Space Age Childhood (2022)

★★★½
Give me the option to choose one director’s works that I could take with me to a deserted island (which has a power source, television and D.V.D. player of course), and I would choose Richard Linklater and his astonishing lineup of amazing stories. Other than the unexceptional School of Rock (which Andrew Lloyd Webber turned into an unexceptional play) and Fast Food Nation, Linklater's output has been consistently remarkable. His careful study of Generation X through the years in all its highs (the Before trilogy) and lows (subUrbia) is the result of a curious Baby Boomer eye on the generation after his own. He has fondly recalled his own generation's coming of age (Dazed and Confused), but perhaps he sees the Xers, the latchkey kids, the Oregon Trailers, as both a proper continuation of and a direct result of his contemporaries. Baby Boomers have been getting a bad rap lately (the moronic "Okay boomer" taunt being one manifestation), but Linklater sees them (and himself) from a different angle. Apollo 10½: A Space Age Childhood isn't just a space movie, but it is also a celebration of a childhood shaped by the realization that the works of Robert Heinlein and Arthur C. Clarke were coming close to fruition. It was a promise ultimately unfulfilled, but what a time to dream about it. The catalyst was right there on television, and in the case of young Stanley, right across town.

Any Given Sunday (1999)

★★★
When I first heard that Oliver Stone was making a football movie, I assumed he'd make it in some straightforward fashion. As I read the reviews and saw the footage, I realized that Any Given Sunday would be shot with Stone's usual style. He likes to use quick cuts, fast panning and dollying, layered scenes, slow motion, stock footage and odd sound effects. Stone's work is among my favorites. His brand of storytelling is something not seen in other mainstream films and offers viewers a new way of watching a movie without having the camera sit still or following characters in some typical way.

Annie (1982)

★★★
Highlighted by a cheerful performance by Aileen Quinn in the starring role, Annie comes off as one of the more endearing of the post-Hollywood Golden Age musicals. Its status has taken a back seat to some better-known musicals from that time period in the late '70s and '80s. Grease has seen one wide theatrical rerelease, and Little Shop of Horrors was given due consideration when it came out on D.V.D. (including its rarely-seen alternate ending on a very limited edition D.V.D.), but Annie has since slipped under the radar screen despite its catchy songs.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

★★★
I read the book The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson sometime in 1989, when I was in 7th grade. It wasn't an assignment. I picked it up off the shelf because I had seen the movie and wanted to compare it to the book. I don't remember the details of the novel anymore, but I do remember enjoying it as a good haunted house story. It purported to be based on the true story of the Lutz family, which fled its home twenty days after moving in. I'm not concerned with whether the book or film was based on fact or fiction.

Agent Cody Banks (2003)

★★½
I find the idea of a C.I.A. division that trains teenagers to be junior agents a stretch, but Agent Cody Banks is focused on being a children's fantasy rather than a deep dive into the C.I.A.'s bag of tricks. Cody Banks (Frankie Muniz) is 15 years old and was selected by the C.I.A. to attend a summer camp/training center for new recruits. Recruits receive the latest in spy gadgetry and lessons in fighting and diving. Cody is a boy of amazing dexterity, but despite his double life, he goes to a regular high school, has a bratty little brother and endures daily chores.

Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)

★★
John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13 is big on ambition and short on execution. It's the story of a gang siege on a police precinct with minimal staffing. The movie features dozens, maybe over 100 gang members all trying to break in, and they're kept at bay by a brave Lieutenant, a secretary and a few prisoners who have no choice but to fight back. It's an interesting concept—inspired by Howard Hawks's Rio Bravo, of which Carpenter is a fan—but the direction is tepid, and the acting is stilted. Carpenter would, of course, find greater success later in his career, so this early effort is best viewed as a practice run, allowing the director to fine tune his skills for his most famous projects to come. Carpenter was just getting started, having completed Dark Star with college classmate Dan O'Bannon two years before this. His career went through its growing pains before maturing, so there should be no expectation that he would hit a home run with his first or second movie. Nevertheless, his failed efforts should be scrutinized for what they are.

Abduction (2011)

★★½
Abduction (2011) gets plenty of things right. It has an interesting plot, a solid supporting cast, a talented director in John Singleton (in his last movie before his passing in 2019) and some good fight scenes. It goes wrong in a crucial area, though, and that is the lead role. Taylor Lautner, in the middle of his career peak thanks to his appearance in the Twilight movies, is physically adept, but his lack of emotional range interferes with the necessary task of conveying his character's mental stress while on the run from mob enforcers and C.I.A. agents. During a few scenes, when he's under extreme duress, he finds a believable way to react, but there's not much in between his two endpoints of "normal" and "dialed up to 11." His female co-star Lily Collins, on the other hand, gets it exactly right. Compare the two as the story progresses, and you'll see two different kinds of performances. She endures the same violent situations, but she dials up her emotional state according to the level of danger and decompresses in the same manner. When the two make out in a train car, she looks like she needs it more. For her, it's an emotional release after a close call with a mob henchman. For him, he's just kissing a girl while on a date.

After the Sunset (2004)

★★½
Aside from the great locations and splendid chemistry between the actors, there’s not much to recommend After the Sunset. If you’re looking for a good caper movie, stick with Ocean’s Twelve. There’s very little here in the way of elaborate set pieces and cool precision. There is, however, an amusing good-guy/bad-guy relationship based on mutual respect and obsessive one-upmanship.

André the Giant (2018)

★★★
My first exposure to André the Giant came while viewing the V.H.S. tape for WrestleMania III. The story before his match with Hulk Hogan was that André aligned himself with the heel manager Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and challenged Hogan for the World Wrestling Federation title. André was serious about his challenge, and he proved it by ripping the shirt from a distraught Hogan, who couldn't believe what he was witnessing. One of his closest friends turned against him. The setup was professional wrestling storytelling at its finest, with the payoff signifying a monumental shift in the wrestling landscape. The old ways of territorial wrestling were already losing ground to the W.W.F.'s national expansion, and this match was hyped as a passing of the torch from one generation to the next. As an 11-year-old, I watched this giant of a man envelope the muscular Hogan in a bear hug. The crowd was going nuts. Many years later, W.W.E. (name changed in 2002) advertised 2022's WrestleMania as featuring the biggest match of all time, between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns. It wasn't even close. That André/Hogan match was one to remember.

Ambulance (2022)

★★★
Michael Bay is a good director when he just focuses on telling the story and resists his tendency to be in awe of his own vision. He demonstrated that with Pain & Gain and especially 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. He achieves that for the most part in Ambulance. There are times when he can’t help himself, though depending on how much you dislike Bay, that might apply to the whole movie. He was determined to make a tight action picture for little money, yet the final product suggests the studio wrote additional checks to cover Bay’s excesses. Like its titular vehicle, the movie careens wildly and recklessly. Despite the previews, I still wanted to see it. Despite the result, I’m glad I saw it. Whatever Bay’s faults, and there are many, he loves what he does. During the COVID-19 lockdowns, he got antsy and wanted to get out there and make something. While his Hollywood brethren are trolling social media and putting their political illiteracy on full display, Bay just wants to roll up his sleeves and make something entertaining. He can keep on doing it, just as long as he never sits in the director’s seat for the Transformers franchise ever again.

American Siege (2022)

½ star
There might come a time for serious discussion on whether Bruce Willis tarnished his legacy. Starting in 2014, he has relentlessly (and shamelessly) churned out a number of direct-to-video movies of dreadful quality, supposedly only working for a few days at a time before moving on to the next paycheck. I’m sure it’s fun to make money by working as little as possible, but Willis doesn’t appear to be enjoying himself. In exchange for easy money, he gives us wooden performances and stilted dialogue. Nicolas Cage has also been making a lot of obscure movies lately, but he still makes interesting choices, and his performances show that he brings his “A” game no matter what. Willis looks like he’d rather be somewhere else, but here he is anyway.

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D (2005)

½ star
The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D is bad enough already, but the addition of 3-D effects makes it worse. I don't know what Robert Rodriguez's fixation is with 3-D, and I don't care to understand it. Most of his film is very dark, with heightened shadow detail and pale-skinned characters. This is because we have to wear those ancient blue and red glasses, which create the desired three-dimensional effects, but also dominate over every other color on the screen. It looks like we're watching the movie through a stained-glass window.

American Underdog (2021)

★★★
There are three reasons why, in 1999, I was not aware of Kurt Warner or The Greatest Show on Turf. During that N.F.L. season, I was a senior in college and focused on finishing up my education. Secondly, going to the movies was my preferred form of entertainment, not least because 1999 was such a strong year for movies, enough that there’s a book dedicated to it—Brian Raftery’s excellent Best. Movie. Year. Ever.: How 1999 Blew Up the Big Screen. Finally, as a native of Southwestern Pennsylvania, I was indifferent to whatever was going on that season when the Steelers lumbered to a 6-10 record. Warner’s first season with the St. Louis Rams was a remarkable achievement, and Warner himself has always come across as a stand-up guy. American Underdog tells the story of his rise to stardom through adversity. In that, it follows the standard underdog story arc. However, this movie has some things going for it. While it falls squarely in the Christian Film genre, it’s a polished presentation with experienced actors to give the narrative gravitas, which elevates it above the weaker entries in this genre.

The Avengers (1998)

zero stars
This review is for the 1998 film based on the British T.V. show and not for the Marvel series.

If I were to come up with a new way to market The Avengers, I'd say put copies of the movie in the pharmacy next to the sleeping pills. This disastrous film would probably make more money that way than it did in the theaters. I woke up on a Friday morning after a good night's sleep, and a trip to the movies sounded like a great idea. After halfway through The Avengers, I was ready for a nap.

All Things Must Pass: The Rise and Fall of Tower Records (2015)

★★★
I lived in Hawaii in the mid-‘90s and there was a Tower Records store in Pearl City. I only went there a few times. I remember the wide selection of music. There was even a section for video rentals, where I rented and watched Last House on the Left for the first time. (I saw a copy of Edward Penishands on the shelf, though I declined to watch it.) I never purchased any music and the store never became a hangout spot for me. I was a budding film buff, and music held nowhere near the interest I had for movies. Indeed, my musical tastes are still stuck in the early ‘90s when I was in high school in Pennsylvania, in a rural area with no Tower Records stores nearby (the local mall had a National Record Mart). I would have had to travel to Pittsburgh to visit one, but that was too far out of my reach and video games held my attention anyway. My brief stop in Hawaii was the only time Tower Records and I crossed paths.

Angus (1995)

★★★
Angus is much more serious than it appears. This film could easily be mistaken for a high school comedy about a social misfit. The director is Patrick Read Johnson, who helmed one of the worst movies ever made: Baby's Day Out. He rebounded nicely after that failed experiment to deliver a genuinely moving comedy/drama about an outsider who has difficulty fitting in. Angus is an overweight freshman, a talented football player and a smart student, and he's hopelessly in love with a girl out of his reach.

Annihilation (2018)

★★★½

There’s a moment towards the end of Annihilation when biologist Lena (Natalie Portman) enters unknown territory to face whatever lies ahead. Everything up to that point has defied everything she had known to be true. Reality has been altered in ways that should be impossible, but nevertheless her senses don’t lie to her. Slowly but surely, we understand just as she does what is happening around her. It’s frightening, yet that urge to know the truth is too strong to overcome. She takes those steps into the unknown because the stakes are too high. To turn away would leave questions unanswered in the short term, and certain extinction in the long term. Great science fiction movies reveal themselves subtly in this way. They build up the story, introduce the possibilities of where it can go, then leave us to discover how it all comes together. If the movie does not betray its internal logic, then that journey is fulfilled.